Who would’ve thought booze and alcohol would be bad paired together?
For those that didn’t catch Savages in the theater, allow me to sum it up for you: it’s not good. Oh sure, it’s got some moments, it’s got Salma Hayek in thoroughly unattractive haircut, it’s even got...
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What the smurf ‘smurfing’ means
“We cook my way this time, Jesse Smurf. Or I walk.” At long last — after 55 smurfing years of Smurf comics, cartoons and dolls — we finally know what the smurf those smurfing Smurfs were smurfing...
View ArticlePower company officials just don’t understand
You know how you’ll sometimes hear rappers requesting people to turn up many things, such as bass lines or headphones, while recording? On rare occassions, they may even ask for these things in a live...
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There are nicer ways to tip
Steve Wilson, who makes his living by picking up other people’s dog poop, stuck pay turd recently. While cleaning up after some lazy pet owner’s mutt, he found $58 packed in pure, American dog s#@t. He...
View ArticleIt’s the age old question
But now you’ll know the answer. How do you take down a 300 pound chimpanzee? Use tranquilizer darts. Lots and lots of tranquilizer darts. Mind you, it’s not quite as effective and efficient as we would...
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‘Abortion Showdown’ this Friday!
Friday! FRIDAY! FRIDAY! The federal court in Kansas City presents Abortion Showdown! Two clinics, one state, new regulations! For the first time in an American court, two abortion clinics will combine...
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Holding out for a Big Galloot
The Guys and Bonnie Tyler agree with today’s Headline of the Day: where have the Big Galloots gone? For those of you who don’t special order your underwear, the “Big Galloots” are a pair of men’s...
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Meanwhile, your tuition went up
Most universities in the U.S. are storied institutions with a legacy of shaping young minds to create the world we know today. And if there’s one thing that could destroy their reputations, it’s using...
View ArticleHome Invasion, animal style
The war against our multi-legged enemies continues. Just when we thought we were making ground, the animals begin their invasion plots and in our most sacred areas! Not a place is safe! Brown recluses...
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Sasquashed
When faced with a Bigfoot in the middle of the highway at night, Missourians know exactly what must be done: run it over. This is a war with animals, which means that no human-animal hybrids may be...
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